Dad's Legacy

A couple weeks ago my pastor talked about the word "Legacy" in his sermon. As he was walking away from a graveside service he said he wondered what his kids and grandkids would have to say or remember about him when he was gone. What would be his legacy? As we had Dad's funeral just a few months ago this hit real close to home. Individually, and as a family, we did a lot of remembering - with many tears and also much laughter.

The definition of legacy is many things. I chose to use legacy as the story of ones life, the things they did, places they went, goals they accomplished, and more. A legacy is something that a person leaves behind to be remembered by.

I have always believed things happen for a reason. When Mom so unexpectedly died in March of 2010 we were all in a state of shock. As things progressed we soon realized this was our chance to get closer to Dad. Over the years when we would call home Dad would talk about the weather and hand the phone to Mom. Now, he not only would talk longer to us, he looked for our calls.

Grandpa with his younger
grandchildren & great-grandchildren

Dad was able to stay in his home for the next 2 years. John took care of all his finances and he and Lisa took Dad to all his appointments for which Becky & I are forever grateful. The other person that made it possible for Dad to stay home as long as he did was the ‘angel’ that Mom recruited before she died - Andrea Baehman Krueger. Andy, or Annie as Dad called her, lived just a couple houses away. She would come down and fix breakfast, get something ready for the next meal, clean, wash clothes & baked treats. She took him on road trips - grocery store, bank, haircuts, church, etc. When she couldn’t do something because of a class, her husband Mike would pick Dad up and take him downtown for breakfast with the guys.

Dad at Maggie & Alex's wedding
at Cuff's Strawberries & Pumpkin Patch

There were other people that stopped in to check on him also - our aunts, uncles, cousins were so good with visits and rides. Neighbors kept an eye on him too. Vern Sasse came over to mow lawn, rake leaves, shovel snow and do little fix it jobs. We would make sure he got to weddings, funerals, family reunions and other get togethers. We would go out to eat and argue about who would pay the bill.

He did have health issues as anyone his age does - he fell more times than he liked or even wanted to admit to. He missed Mom - we all did. He got lonely sitting in his little house by himself. Then he would forget that someone had just been to visit the day before. When his brother George died in the fall of 2010; it was hard on Dad. George had come over just about every day to check on Dad - they would visit and argue about everything and then George was gone.

In the spring of 2012 we started looking at another place for Dad as Andy would be graduating and looking for full time work in her field. Becky came home and we drove Dad around to several places. He liked the Veteran’s Home at King but to Becky & I, it seemed more like a hospital that he didn’t need yet. And, it would be so far away from John & Lisa. We finally decided on Appleton Retirement Community. It was close to John; we all liked it, including Dad.



Dad's cake at his going
away party

We made plans to move him the first week of November. Earlier in the week Vern & Niona Sasse threw him a going away party. Dad always said he didn’t want anyone to fuss but you could tell he really enjoyed himself.

You could also tell Dad was a little nervous, maybe even scared, because he was a little grumpier than usual with us as we moved him out of his house. And, the first couple days he told me he didn’t think he would stay. But shortly after that we usually couldn’t reach him on the phone, he was so busy. He was learning the routine of going downstairs for his meals & not getting lost, going to an exercise class, maybe a bus trip or two. For awhile we thought it was perfect, he told us how much he liked it - he would now have lots of people to talk to every day.



Door to Dad's apartment

But the reality of it was he wasn't that happy; he faithfully went to his exercise class but, he didn’t talk to as many people as we thought he would. The younger man would have been shaking hands and talking to everyone. This older person didn’t have that kind of confidence any more. He talked to his table mates but would watch the Packer game in his room rather than go to the lounge with the others.

But he loved his visitors that he knew from before. I remember one nice warm day he was sitting outside when we pulled into the parking lot. He recognized our car and got the biggest grin on his face. He was always happy to see us come and hated to see us leave - except if I drove up alone than he was always shooing me out so I would get home before dark.

In the spring of 2013 Dad went to the hospital a couple of times, dehydration and congestive heart failure among many reasons. But he always came back; thinking he needed more care and wanted to go to a nursing home. The hospital suggested hospice which we rejected; we didn’t feel it was 'the end.' We didn't understand what hospice was at the time.

In September, Howie and I were on our way out to Montana to visit Becky & Dan. John texted all of us and said Dad was back in the hospital this time with pneumonia among other things. Again hospice was mentioned. This time John listened and he explained it to us - hospice is not always end of life - it can just mean more care and he doesn't have to move. We agreed, it was time.

After returning from vacation I had trouble reaching Dad on the phone. I called John to ask what was going on. He said Dad’s oxygen machine is too loud for him to hear on the phone. I told John to tell him that I would be up the next weekend. I drove up by Dad on Saturday, September 28th; he was so much easier to talk to in person. One of the aides helped me get him into his wheelchair with a smaller oxygen tank so we could walk outside. We called Becky and they had a good talk also. It was a nice visit for all of us.

Aunt Cathy took a picture of Lisa talking
to Dad one last time.

Things happen so fast; Monday afternoon, Lisa called both Becky and I to say we better come home; hospice said the end was near. I finished what I could at work so we could drive up first thing in the morning. Becky arranged for a flight out of Montana on Tuesday. John would stay with Dad that night. He called at 7:30 a.m. Tuesday morning, October 1st - Dad was gone. He went out just the way he always said he wanted to, just go to sleep and not wake up. Becky & I hedged our bets that we would get there one last time and lost. I remain thankful that I drove up on Saturday; we had such a good visit; Becky had gotten to talk to him on the phone that last time and that John was with him that last morning.

As We Prepare for the Funeral

Right before we went to meet at the funeral home to make arrangements John wrote a letter that he would share at the funeral. I've included it here.

"I thought to look up a great quote about friendship but since Dad was all about friendship this should say it all. My dad had more friends that anyone I know. He had friendships that went all the way back to his school days with many hundreds developed over the 88 years of his life. He gained friends by being friendly. He always felt comfortable starting a conversation with complete strangers about anything from sports to the weather. He showed sincere interest in what others had to share.

He had a lot of help along the way with one very special friend, his wife of over 50 years, Mom. Together they lived a hard but very happy life. Starting as a farmer, Dad always put in long days of work. When farming did not work for him, he and Mom created the business that defined our lives; Cuff's Market & Greenhouse.

It started in an old warehouse in Hortonville. They did everything they could to earn money. There was a truck scale used by local farmers and businesses where we charged up to a buck a use. There was an old cabbage warehouse that was used for everything from processing cucumbers (pickle shed) to storing Schneider trucks and boats in the winter. And we sold everything we could. From cigarettes and milk and bread to specialty cheese and sausage and Door County cherries and every bit of local produce we could get. We were the 'farmers market' before they became chic.

Of course sticking with his farming background we had plants. Anywhere from 3 to 5 or 6 greenhouses and cold frames full of plants were grown seasonally and year round. May was the busiest month with seed potatoes and onion sets from Wisconsin Rapids, dry root plants from the south and bulk seeds that were sold at unbelievably low prices.

Those who remember the store know that this list can go on, and while the store was Dad's life, it was more than just a business. It was where he met so many of his friends over the years. People came from all over to either sell or buy stuff and stayed to talk. He was at the store most days from 6:30 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. Being a family business we spent plenty of time with him even though he was 'at work'. This is because we also worked. I was filling packs with dirt before going to kindergarten and working the cash register at 10. This relationship between family and business instilled a great work ethic in all of us, as well as an appreciation for time off.

Mom and Dad did make time to relax. While they did not take what most people call vacations, they relaxed with their many friends through bowling, going out to eat, or just sitting at the Black Otter. When they were finally able to retire, the work only decreased a bit but the vacations started with a vengeance. With a great retirement job selling seed corn and soybeans, Mom and Dad took trips to Hawaii, the Bahamas, and other warm states as well as a couple trips to visit Becky & Dan out west.

He had a great life and created a great life for us. All of the people he touched shared in his personality. While sometimes gruff, he always showed love in his own way. We will always remember his great smile and his great conversations. We love you Dad." John Cuff

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Dad had given us some pretty explicit instructions as to how he wanted his funeral to be. We followed his thoughts as best we could although some things, out of our love for him, we changed. He wanted to be cremated so no open casket; no visitation at the funeral home (as his family we needed that); he wanted the pastor to be short. Now we knew what Dad meant; he didn't want the pastor to talk too long but Lisa teased Pastor Greg about being too tall and he asked if he should get on his knees. We replied, would you? So Pastor obliged by getting on his knees for a few minutes at the start of the service. Dad would have smiled at this one!

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Dad's Obituary

James Hamilton Cuff, age 88, of Hortonville, passed away on Tuesday, October 1, 2013 in Appleton. He was born on April 24, 1925 in the Town of Hortonia, Outagamie County, son of the late Clair and Gladys (Hamilton) Cuff. Jim proudly served his country with the U.S. Marines during the Korean Conflict. On August 30, 1958, he was united in marriage to Naomie Bruss. Jim and Naomie worked on their family farm until they started Cuff's Market and Greenhouse in Hortonville which they ran for nearly 40 years. In retirement, he worked for Garst, ICI and Brown Seed Companies. Jim was very active in the community. He was a member of the Hammond-Schmit American Legion Post 55, where he was a Past Commander, the Hortonville Lions Club, and a volunteer firefighter for many years. He enjoyed working, bowling, shooting dice, but most of all just being with all his friends. Jim was also a member of the First Congregational United Church of Christ in New London.

He is survived by his children: Janis (Howard) Shackley, Watertown; Rebecca (Dan) Brandborg, Hamilton, Montana; John (Lisa) Cuff, Appleton; grandchildren: Shannon (Troy) Milbrath, Scott Shackley (Alyson Parker), Flynt Brandborg, Madeline and Jessica Cuff; great-grandchildren: Alexander, Jackson and Emerson Milbrath; siblings: Mary (Larry) Arbisi, Minneapolis, MN; Joann Shue, Brookfield; Dottie (Dave) Wege, Crystal Lake, IL; sister-in-law: Margaret Cuff, New London. He is further survived by nieces, nephews, other relatives and friends.

Besides his parents, he was preceded in death by his wife Naomie in 2010, a brother George Cuff and a brother-in-law Don Shue.

A memorial service for Jim will be held on Saturday, October 5, 2013 at 10:00 a.m. at the First Congregational United Church of Christ in New London (110 E. Hancock Street)with Rev. Greg Watling officiating. Full Military Honors will be held at the church immediately following the service. A visitation for Jim will be held on Friday, October 4, from 4-7 p.m. at the Borchardt & Moder Funeral Home in Hortonville and also at the church on Saturday from 9:00 a.m. until the time of the service.


“We Had to Take Care of the Town”
Rev. Greg Watling

“What should we do?” they asked John the Baptist in our reading from Luke’s Gospel (Luke 3:10-16). John went on to speak with them about sharing, getting an honest amount of money from someone you did things for, and generally about how you treat people. Jim Cuff knew these lessons well. In fact, some might have thought that he knew them too well. For Jim, the primary purpose of his business was not to get himself rich, or to be the most important person in the world, or for people to come and pay homage to him. No, for Jim, the purpose of all he did was, as he would say, “To take care of the town.”

And take care of the town he did. Jim was known for working from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. every day. Yep, he worked 365 days a year. He was always available to help someone, and always giving things away. “I charge according to who they are”, he would say, taking into account their ability to pay. On the Cuff Market blog is a story from Susie & Charlie Mann who put it this way: ‘I recall the decency of your parents, the friendliness. I know how handy it was for my kids to run over to your place when we lived a block down the street on Nash. They would stop by before school, after school, on weekends. Anything they were hungry for they got and your Mom & Dad WROTE it down, so that my kids did not have to carry money with them. We paid your folks off every couple of weeks, but WHO does that anymore? A couple of winters it got a little tight for us and we would go to your folks and buy GROCERIES and he would carry us until spring when OUR cash flow would start again.’

That store was everything to Jim. Even the day after he had surgery, knowing that the store and their house were on the same party line, Jim told the family that he would be calling and ‘someone better answer at both places.’ And that he did. They answered, and then Naomie told the kids, “Now lock up the store and come home.”

Naomie, the love of Jim’s life, sure knew how he worked and what they needed to do to raise the amazing family they did. Jim and Naomie were partners in business, and home life, balancing one another and their qualities, strengths and weaknesses. She would even want to go do something fun and Jim never wanted to go, but once he got there, he’d love every minute of it. They both loved the social nature of their business and were known by just about everyone in Hortonville and surrounding area. I have always admired the sense of partnership they had and the depth of their love of one another. It’s true that even at the fun events, Jim would start rubbing his hands together to indicate it was time to go. Naomie didn’t always do things the way Jim would and vice-versa, but what partnership they had. In fact, the kids tell me that he always wrote her little notes all the time. Sometimes there were to-do lists, sometimes little notes of affection. He’d just leave it and not tell anyone.

Not all of his notes were for Naomie, though. Some were for the other loves of his life, his kids. You might imagine that they didn’t always see eye-to-eye, especially on how to run the business, but let there be no mistake how much Jim cared for his kids. They told the story of one Christmas Eve when the temperature hit thirteen below zero. They had been to church and Jim needed to leave the car at the store to plug it in so it would start the next day. He dropped the family off at home and took the car over to the store. A good Samaritan picked him up on the walk home. It was then that he realized that much of Christmas had been left in the trunk of the car. In the middle of the night, at that temperature, he walked back for all of it, slung it over his shoulder and walked back home.

The kids didn’t know this until much later. You see, Jim didn’t do the good he did for recognition, a pat on the back, or to show off. Sometimes I’m sure the kids (and Naomie) wondered if the business was the most important thing in his life. But in truth, in all things, Jim cared to the depths of his soul. He was a workaholic, but he did take care of everyone he ever knew, especially his family.

Whether it was buying anybody’s produce (not even always able to use it), or the store charge, or the candy he gave to the nieces and nephews who came by the store, or the deliveries to God knows where (provided school buses weren’t in the way), Jim was the epitome of compassion, care and thoughtfulness. He took the words of our gospel and put them into practice every day. He never made a million or lived in a grand old house, but got (and gave) so much more than money could ever accomplish - he gave himself. He gave his all. Maybe even he gave too much. But the reward of doing the “things no one ever saw” was the satisfaction of knowing you helped another person.

Wouldn’t the world be so much better if everyone spent their time thinking about how to share with and care for another? Jim’s legacy of doing the “things no one saw” made him a great man. More than that, it gave him peace and satisfaction. And God was glorified. “The heavens are telling the glory of the Lord.” In whose name we celebrate Jim’s life. To God be the glory for the life of Jim Cuff. Amen

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Comments from Friends & Family 

All 3 of us heard some pretty wonderful stories about Dad from so many different people. I want to mention a few that just stayed with me over the past few months.

Our cousin, Milo Swanton, drove from Bloomington, MN for the visitation and then turned around & drove back home that same night as he had a soccer game to ref the next day. When asked why he did it, he said it meant a lot to him when friends & family came to his Dad’s funeral years back. Milo, it meant a lot to us to see you also.

Lee Marks, a neighbor from when we lived out in the country & classmate of mine, stopped to talk. He told me how when his parents would go on vacation that our parents quite often made sure they got a hot meal. He was told that they knew farmers needed a good meal. Lee’s family appreciated it and he wanted me to know.

Another man (I’m sorry I didn’t get his name) came through and told me that when his wife & 2 small children moved to Hortonville 30 some years ago, they had absolutely nothing. She went to the store and talked to Dad. He filled up her trunk and told her to come back if she needed something again. As I stood there crying with this man he said, “You don’t ever forget something like that.” I could only agree.

Another cousin, Joshua Swanton, flew up from Virginia, saying that Uncle Jim was a pretty cool guy. He not only came to the visitation but showed up in full naval dress uniform for the funeral the next day. As Dad was in the Marines, Josh made a joke about wanting to show up any Jarheads that might be there. Josh, you might have joked about it, but we loved it.

I’m very sorry to hear of Uncle Jim’s passing. I have many very good memories of him and his store in Hortonville. I know he will be missed by many. Michael Gerlach

We will miss Jim very much . . . He was a strong, special spirit. Sandy & Lois Cuff

We shared many wonderful years of friendship with your dad & mom. Now they are happily together again. Ken & Shirley Thyssen

The memories of your dad go way back for me. Keeping all his customers at the store coming back because of “his deals”, knowledge and great nature had to be a plus. Hortonville was better place because of Cuff’s Market & Greenhouse. Word spread quickly where to go for cheese, sausage and plants. Matt & I had some fun times with your mom & dad at the Garst functions. The plastic blue boat is still my favorite memory. When I stayed over, I couldn't go in the kitchen when Jim was taking a bath! Glad I got to visit with him in June. May all your memories help comfort you in the days ahead!
With our deepest sympathy, Matt & Kathy Manske, Amy & Jared

Jim & Naomie were our good friends for so many years. I still miss her - now they are together again. Wishing all of you strength & peace. Love, Cleo Fannin

Your parents were the “High Lite” of our get togethers and playing dice. They were beautiful people!
My deepest sympathy, Helen Kester Baerwald

I will always remember Jim. As he and Naomie helped give me some of my fondest memories of childhood. In summers I used to come down and work at the floral shop with Grandma Nat. Those are some of my fondest memories of Jim. He always gave me one of my favorite suckers when I dropped off boxes with my dad, Roger. Their faces always smiling when we would stop by. I can never forget that nor do I ever want to. So I thank Jim and the lessons he taught me about life in the greenhouses as they helped shape me in to the wonderful young lade I am today. My only regret is not spending more time with them in my life and not being able to do more for them now.
Love, Michelle Rieckmann

Even though I saw you at the funeral, I wanted you to know we’re still thinking of you. We started a memorial garden to our fathers a couple of years ago, and now we planted some tulips in it this fall in memory of your parents; their blooms in spring will be like a spiritual visit. I’m sorry for your loss. I enjoyed the brief time and conversations that I had with Jim and will remember him fondly.
Nancy & Jim Fisher

We will all miss your great Dad. We loved visiting with him and the great country road rides he would lead us down. He knew everybody! We give our love to you in your great loss.
God’s blessing, Uncle Gene & Aunt June

Hammond-Schmit Post 55
Firing Squad

We heard stories from former neighbors, past employees, friends from the Legion, the Auxiliary, Lion’s Club, Hortonville Fire Department, many former customers, people that had anything to do with flowers, pickles, potatoes, seed corn - he had so many friends! Thank you for being his friend!

We can’t forget all of the family members that visited, called or wrote to him the last couple of years after he couldn’t get around too much. Thank you for caring!



Dad's Angel - Dad's story wouldn't be complete without including an e-mail we received from Andy Baehman Krueger, Christmas of 2012.

December 2012

I know I told you girls this story before, but now I must repeat it again for I hold it so deep in my heart. I’m sure nobody understands why. The evening I got that call from Naomie, I was so mad. I was mad at my own Mother for giving out my cell number to people (she had been told a kazillion times not to). I was so mad at your Mother for being so damn persistent. I finally caved and agreed to come help your Mom out for one day. I agreed to help her do a “deep clean”. She made it fun - -telling stories about where this knick-knack came from and where she got this doily and that tablecloth. She happily shared the memories from each picture hanging on the wall. We were singing and laughing, the whole time Jim was in playing on his “machine” in the office. He had been instructed to stay out of the way.

Mom kept showing me where stuff would be the next time I came. “The mop heads will be hanging here, the bucket here. This is where I keep the scrub rags. This is how long I dry the clothes for. I keep the flour in the fridge and here are all my utensils.” Jeez Naomie, there won’t be a next time. I’m starting school soon and besides, I told you my body can’t take all this cleaning anymore. “We will set you up on a schedule so it won’t be so hard on you all at once.” I kept thinking to myself, what the hell is wrong with her? Is she not understanding me or is she that hard of hearing? The whole time I was cussing my own Mother out under my breath.

The very next day Naomie died. I truly believe her and God had a plan.

So a few weeks went by, and low and behold I connected with the very best friend I could ever wish for. Who would have ever thought an old fart like him and a mule head like me would hit it off so well? I got the best education from him alone – more than any school, college or any other friend could ever give.

I know him moving to the retirement home was the best decision for him, please don’t get me wrong. But, this move was as hard on me as when we had to put my own Father into a home. I still can’t stop crying when I think of him. I’ve got nobody who listens to me like he did. I’ve got nobody to give me the advice like he did. I’ve got nobody to encourage me the way he always used to. Every time I drive by (which is a dozen times a day), I’m thinking, Oh Jim would have liked this kind of pie this week. I would have loved to make this kind of soup for him to try. Jim would have loved these cookies because they had hickory nuts in them. (then I would have gotten to hear a George/hickory nut story)  And the thoughts go on and on and on.

This morning during church, (I couldn’t even concentrate because all I could think of is him NOT sitting next to me) it hit me. God, through Naomie, got a caretaker she knew her husband would need in the very near future. God, through the Cuff family got me the extra money I needed to get through school. (UGH) Most importantly, God, through Jim, reacquainted me with Jesus Christ my Savior. Jim tricked me into thinking he needed a ride to church. (At that time I didn’t know he had so many relatives and friends that had been picking him up.) I fell in love with the church, it’s beautiful music, singing and everything else about it.

Prouder than peacocks, Mike and I are happy to say when we tell people we had an 86 year old man for our best man and an 83 year old woman for a  matron of honor. (I’ll never forget how they both almost fell over in church when I told them what was going on that day. I had my phone out and was ready to dial 911 if necessary).

In closing, I just want again to thank you for sharing Jim with me. He was and still is a very important part of my life. God truly works in mysterious ways---and this was a doozy of a way to make a new friendship and a reconnection with my Lord.

With all my love and respect,
“Annie”

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Day After the Funeral



'Portable Dad'

While funerals can be sad as you say goodbye to your loved one; they can also be joyful as you CELEBRATE that person's life. Becky had asked for a few ashes to take home to Montana with her and was given a small urn. We had been thinking about taking Dad on a final 'road trip'; we looked at this little urn and knew this was exactly what we needed - we lovingly called it 'Portable Dad'.

We started off the next morning by quietly taking him to his church. I could almost feel him sitting next to me; it was a good feeling. Then Becky and I met up with more of the family at Wally's Still for brunch - always a favorites of Dad.



Becky & Lisa with Dad at Wally's Still



Even Elvis got to hold
Dad at Wally's.


















After that, we decided to drive to the Chain O'Lakes to look at some fine fall colors.

Best ride until he slid off
going around a corner!




John sitting with Dad at Chain of Lakes
















Tom Olk tells another story about
Dad & the fire department.

Dad always appreciated a ride out to Damn Yankees! He enjoyed sitting on the deck in the sun and having a beer.

Whichever one of us kids took Dad for a drive we always had to drive through the cemetery where Mom was - so today was no different. Becky really wanted to sing Amazing Grace while we were there; sort of our own little prayer.

Our last official stop was the old Cuff's Market & Greenhouse where we all grew up, learning so much from both Mom & Dad. It was a good life! Dad (and Mom) you are missed - every day!

Family Reunion with our "Mom Always Liked Me Best" shirts!





This shirt says it all for Lisa!